Can't believe you DON'T hunt

I feel like I’d be remiss in not addressing what has now taken over Minnesota: hunting.

On the freeway Sunday night, I was passed by a red minivan with a deer strapped to the roof. They had tried to cover it up, but the thing’s four hooves were sticking out the back, and the wind had blown the blue tarp over leaving the carcass visible to passersby. It reminded me a little bit of the movie "Harry and the Hendersons." My brother and I used to watched a taped-from-tv VHS version of this movie when we were little, and one scene is of the Henderson family in their station wagon with a thought-to-be-dead big foot—Harry—on the roof.

I had the most basic cable installed on Saturday afternoon (so that my dad and bro will actually come over on Thanksgiving). In chatting to the Comcast guy, he told me he was trying to hurry up and finish his jobs for the day so that he could head up north to hunt for the rest of the weekend. I’ve never seen anyone work so fast.

A friend of mine proudly told me via email earlier this week that he shot a doe. I jokingly asked him what that meant and then sarcastically said that I really couldn’t believe he hunted. To which he sarcastically responded:
"I took a 308 winchester semi-automatic rifle and fired one round (bullet) from a tree stand 98 yards away (the length of a football field) into the neck of a female odocoileus virginianus (North American White-Tailed Deer) dropping it where it stood and not disturbing (shooting) any of the delicious venison (deer meat) chops, loins, steaks, and trim. In addition, the excellent marksmanship left the hide (skin) unblemished (unshot), which will result in a much higher quality glove or mitten. The trim will be made into mouthwatering veni-sticks... i can't believe you DONT hunt."

Today’s front page of the local newspaper had a story about dozens of hunters getting fined or having their guns confiscated for baiting deer. Now, I’m not sure that these people can really be called hunters, but whatever you call them, they violated the "code of fair chase." And do you know that 76 people commented on the online article? Someone simply said: "gun-toting nitwits," and 43 of the 115 people who viewed this comment liked it.

In this past Sunday’s ad for a local wholesale supply store was a red shot shell mailbox for only $79.99. Enough said on that one.

Anyways, I cracked myself up this morning, as I imagined deer hiding in the woods, watching these baiters laying out...I imagined kernels of corn, but pretty sure that’s not what they use...and then suddenly scaring the crap out of the hunters by jumping out from behind trees and chasing them all.

NOW who’s baiting?