You said it

With a Trader Joe’s gift certificate, I purchased staples. Peanut butter and jelly. Trail mix. Soup. Cheese. I walked up to the register, put down my basket and began rummaging through my purse for my wallet carrying the gift card as the guy at the register started taking out my groceries to swipe across the counter. Suddenly I hear "oh, mmm, pb and j!" I looked up to see the guy excitedly looking at me, smiling. "Uh, yes," I said. I wasn’t sure if it felt like an accusation, like, you’re an adult still eating pb&j?

Ok. Back to getting my wallet ou... "Ohhh, parm!" I looked up. There he was again. Smiling. "Yes, parmesan cheese, thank you, very much." These exchanges continued for each of my eight to 10 items. I know what I got! You don’t need to tell me! I felt exposed. Like, somehow, this guy not just knowing my staples, but SAYING them out loud was revealing something about me. That, yes, I still eat pb&j. I also eat tomato soup. What if I had had tampons I wonder? I almost felt the need to justify what I was purchasing. Look, dude, yes, sometimes I eat Trader O’s (tj’s version of Cheerios) for dinner but not a lot!

Anyways, I know people say actions speak louder than words. And I agree. But I also think words hold some strange, solidifying potion or something. Isn’t it funny how certain things aren’t real until you say them, and then you almost wish you hadn’t said them. Putting words to feelings or emotions and then putting voice to those words somehow solidifies them. They’re no longer able to just disappear in the corners of our thoughts or heart. They’ve turned into solid objects that have to be held. To be dealt with. You said them, someone heard, and they can now hold you accountable.

When I’m dating someone I always know things are about to go downhill fast when I hear myself say, "welllll..." And then proceed to say something that is not-so-great about this person or maybe a realization about my feelings (or lack thereof). There’s no turning back. I admitted it. I said it. I’d been thinking it for awhile, but hadn’t voiced it.

And then there have been numerous times in my life when I’m struggled to hold it all together. On the outside it may appear that I’m totally cool, but inside I’m a total stress ball. And then finally, some lucky person gets to hear me say--yell--hey, I’m so busy I can’t see straight, and it’s too much!!!
There. I’m revealed. It’s been said. Said, said and said.
(like "bomb on an airplane. Bomb bomb bomb...bomb bomb bomb.")

I have no earth-shattering conclusions about this phenomenon. Just contemplating it as I thought about Mr. Trader Joe man "Ohhhh, soup. Ohhhh, milk."

Ohhhh, stop. Just gimme my contest coupon for using my own cloth bag and my pb and j and I'll be on my way.