Well-played

A guy recently told me: well-played. He was referring to me cutting to the chase, because, in fact, I hate playing! Dating is rough. At least for those of us who would rather be chillin’ at home (alone with some TCBY or a good book) than out on a bad date (good restaurant or not). Anyways, back to well-played. I just didn’t want to waste time. Life’s too short. Now, don’t get me wrong…the chase…the questions…the wondering…these are good and fun for awhile, but then c’mon. I'd rather just tell the guy I'm not interested than try to send subtle hints and hopes he gets it (because he won't), and on the flip side, I'd rather just let the guy know I am interested. Seems simpler. Neater. Nicer. And time is of the essence.

So, what follows are some tips on how guys can play well with girls. They’re taken from my own experiences as well as those of some of my dearest single girlfriends (and, boys, I know we could use some tips on how to play well with you too).

1. Do not drive your date to your favorite hunting spot on the second date.

2. Do not tell your date that your dad raised exotic zoo animals and you used to ride ostriches. And then when she asks about llamas (trying to somehow participate in this odd conversation), look at her like she’s a complete idiot, telling her straight-faced that llamas are way too domestic.

3. If you say you’re going to call, call. And not a day or two later. And this goes for texts, emails, stop-bys, letters sent by messengers on horseback.

4. If you’re wondering if you should tuck in your shirt, don’t.

5. Do not give a girl your phone number and tell her she can call you if she wants. Ask for her number, and if she’s not interested, she won’t give it to you. (I wouldn’t)

6. Do not take a girl to an expensive restaurant and/or activity and then make her pay her own way. She didn’t ask to go there in the first place!

7. Do not tell your date that she can go ahead and order a DQ blizzard (a chocolate chip cookie dough one!) but you’re going to pass because there are too many calories in it.

8. Do not always have a wingman.

9. Do not send flowers to a girl who is not your girlfriend.

10. Caution when hitting on a girl while sitting down. There’s a good chance she may be taller than you when you stand up.

11. First dates shouldn’t be asked out via texts.

12. Do not get mad at the guy in the parking ramp booth because you lost the parking stub.

13. Do not ask “Are you or are you not attracted to me?” prior to asking for a girl’s phone number.

14. Don’t suggest future hangouts if you know they won’t happen.

15. Do not continue texting and calling, leaving 2-minute voice messages four years after the dating has ended. That usually means it’s done.

16. Don’t say that actually lots of people think you look like Tom Cruise. You’re not a moviestar, and neither are we.

17. Don't think seven pairs of sunglasses on your stick shift is cool.

There are more. Oh, there are more. But I’ll stop. Well-played is hard to come by, but I’ve found it’s generally accompanied with honesty, common courtesy, thoughtfulness and every now and then, flowers. Play well, my friends. Play well.