Believing to understand

In Mark 9, a father brings his sick son—mute because of seizures since birth—to Jesus. He says to Jesus: "IF you can do something, then do it!" Jesus kindly replies, "um, there are no IFs among Christians. Anything can happen." The father then cried out, "Ok I believe, but please forgive my unbelief."

True that, I want to tell the father! I hear him on the unbelief thing.

St. Anselm once said that we don’t try to understand so that we’ll believe, but rather that we believe so that we’ll understand.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this in the past few weeks in starting back to class. And it’s true. Understanding doesn’t bring belief. I have more questions now than I did before starting seminary. And yet, oddly enough, I believe more wholeheartedly, more desperately. I feel the belief I do have is allowing me to unroll the canvas and see the portrait. It makes more sense, even if the colors aren't all painted in. But, oh how often I still use “if.”