Wednesday, February 12, 2014

The Exchange


There’s something funny that happens at the beginning of every get together with my girlfriends. It’s the exchange. The other night we met at a Mexican restaurant, and as we unzipped our coats, took our gloves and hats off, hooked our purses on chairs and listened to the waitress quickly tell us the specials—margaritas half price…the exchange occurred. I slid a breastfeeding book I borrowed from one friend across the table. That friend passed a stack of bass fishing magazines to another—from one husband to the other. A different friend handed me a bag—three books she had borrowed so long ago, I had forgotten she had them. She also had an unfinished knitting project—baby booties—did someone want to take and finish? And the fifth friend passed out Valentine’s bags filled with candy and stuffed fabric hearts to each one of us.

In the past this exchange has included clothes—our own and baby, pictures, food, coupons. Bits and pieces, odds and ends, of our lives and personalities that when shared with one another has made life a little easier, a little better, a little brighter. More often than not this exchange of goods happens silently—no explanation necessary. I know why. She’s knows how. The what is known. And this whole thing occurs as our main conversation begins, food is ordered, and drinks arrive.

As the night came to a close, and we huddled in the entryway saying goodbye where the heater was blowing warm air, I thought maybe friendships are the exchange of life. Dear ones who quietly—amidst babies, devastating test results, cross-country moves, achievements and failures, the monotony of a long cold Minnesota winter—lend different aspects of themselves and their experiences at opportune times. And at their best—no explanation necessary.

5 comments:

Unknown said...

Between the Exchange.
Between the unspoken exchage of ideas - links to new songs, flagged email of a new blog, suggested books from the more literary to the less, school papers to review/edit/share - the tangible items go through a long journey.
The specific books handed off mentioned in the original post were collected - and collected dust - over the past 5 years. It began while visiting the friend when she lived out of state and when she was home for Christmas. I began reading each of these either on the beach or on a plane ride ride home. One I set aside for when I had time (never), one I set down and picked up many times, and one I absorbed quickly. I made other visits to see her. I kicked myself when I arrived and had forgotten the books on my nightstand. Most likely I took another one home! I set books out to remember to bring to a Christmas party. I forget. I move homes - packing the books makes me remember fondly my novel-loving friend. Unpacking makes me remember again. I clean out my bookshelf years after the move and remember. I set books on the stairs for 3 weeks so I literally trip over them until the next time I see her. There is great anticipation to see her (and remove the clutter from my stairwell). I proudly remember to bring to the next function. The next exchange. While the books go on many adventures (if you call dust-collecting an adventure), they serve as a reminder of the owner.
It's the exchange of these ideas - the wisdom, the new horizons - that make me a better person. My friends make me more knowledgable, more cultured, and it deepens our relationship to share common. There is nothing better than hearing a new song and thinking so-and-so would love this; she needs to hear it. Though we don't talk as frequently as our lives get busier, our preferences, likes, and experiences are always in our thoughts and our exchange connects us as symbols of those thoughts.

Emy Johnson said...

Heather, I couldn't resist dropping you a message on your blog. I work with your wonderful husband.

Last evening I hosted my friend group for our monthly bunco event. This group of women have come together every month for the past eight years. Absolutely loved your insights on "the exchange". Appears we have been doing this very thing. From births to deaths. Marriages to divorces. Toddlers to teenagers. Jobs to jobless. Each exchange gives us a chance to embraces one anothers journey.

Thank you for sharing and reminding me just how sacred the time is with the ones we love and care about. Blessings, Emy

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Yang Kuo said...

Heather, I couldn't resist dropping you a message on your blog. I work with your wonderful husband.



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